A few weekends ago, I attended my wife’s girlfriend’s wedding. It was a nice intimate gathering and I was very happy for her. However, after a heart warming slideshow, a delicious filet mignon dinner, and some yummy wedding cake, I got an unexpected surprise. I came face to face with my mid life crisis moment.
The official program ended and they opened the floor for dancing. The bride grabbed some of her girlfriends, let loose, and ripped up the dance floor. Some of her younger cousins with their significant others jumped into the fray. I looked over to my wife and asked if she wanted in. She was still battle weary from her over 20 hour labor, she politely declined. I wasn’t thinking clearly as our baby would be without supervision. As I sat there watching the dance floor buzzing with energy. I felt life was passing me by. Years earlier, my friends and I would be the ones cutting up the rug. Now we were two weary parents with a ball and chain in tow who couldn’t even get to the dance floor even if we wanted to. How did I pull myself from the brink?
Breathe
I took a long breath, calmed my mind, and slowly pushed the negative anxiety out of my mind.
Think Positive
I looked on the bright side and enjoyed watching the people on the dance floor having such an amazing time. I looked at the blushing bride and wished her a happy new life and recalled my wedding day.
Recognize the Problem
I quickly sifted through my mind and figured the root of the anxiety was my loss of a choice. It’s not like I hit the clubs on the weekends, but if I wanted to, I felt I could no longer choose that option. It was a combination of losing some freedom and getting old.
Cut the Drama and Embrace the New
My mind was working overtime. “18 years with the new baby. Kiss your old life good bye. You’re no spring chicken because you’re an old fogey!” I forced these thoughts out of my mind and glanced at my wife and our new bundle of joy. This is not a prison sentence. It is a new phase of life. You’re a daddy, enjoy it!
Final Thoughts
Having a baby, surviving on 4 hours of broken sleep, combined with endless hours of diaper duties shook me to the core. I then realized what I was going through was natural. I now embrace the challenge of taking care of my expanding family while also taking this as a huge opportunity to improve myself. My family depends on it. Finally, if I really wanted to go dancing, can’t I just hire a babysitter?
Stay Inspired!
Buck
Buck as soon as your kid starts interacting with you, you will never be able to imagine your life without him. This how we look at our daughters, so even if we are almost “in prison” because of the lack of choice you just mentioned, we would not go back to the time before our kids. Wait and see…
I hear you BTI! I guess I’m not at that stage yet. The negative change like lack of sleep, diapers, and less freedom currently outweigh the positives you mentioned. I’m sure I’ll get there one day. Thanks!
Buck, this is only the beginning. Soon you child will provide you with endless inspiration (and some frustration to go along with it). Every day is like a new adventure as they discover new things, and explore new thoughts, feelings, places and emotions. You’ll go on that journey with them, too.
Mine started sports last year, and that is whole, different dimension, not to mention commitment. Wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Thanks for sharing Steve! Looking forward to the adventures you speak of!
Congratulations on your baby. Maybe instead of a wedding dance, you will be rejuvenated by an evening where you hire a night nurse so your wife and you can have a full good night’s sleep! Sleep depreviation makes everything looks worse.
Thanks WHB! Great point will keep this in mind. The world does seem darker when sleep is lacking!
It is funny how old age just sneaks up on you!
I didn’t know you were old? I realized I was old when I saw a picture and there was gray hair. Another moment was I was given a senior discount just because I looked that old. It is a facy because to young people, everyone looks old. Anyway, it doesn’t matter it is how you feel.
Time sure flies KC! Young at heart right?
Congrats on your revelation–there’s much more to life than a dance party!
Thanks Kurt you’re absolutely right!
But! But! Dancing at said baby’s wedding is an exciting concept, no?
That’s true, but that’s a lifetime away!
Give me a break Buck! What are you talking about? You’re still a kid. Here I am watching my first two grandchildren growing up. You just wait. You’ve got a ways to go. And I still don’t feel old. Well, not in my mind at least.
Lee
A Faraway View
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You know me Lee! Cry me a river right? I admire your energy. Hope I’m still kicking like you when I have grand kids!
Nothing but downhill from here, Buck. Next thing you, you’ll be grunting with effort after picking up stuff from the floor.
Can always count on you for a pick me up 101C! I’m already grunting now!
For the most part, I’ve handled those realizations by drinking vast quantities of liquor as well as the next woman, pushing them out of my mind so I could go about my day-to-day life as a housewife without screaming in abject horror over having fulfilled the soul-crushing prediction of my fourth grade teacher, Miss Niles, who’d scrawled on my report card: “HAS THE I.Q. OF A GENIUS BUT THE SELF-MOTIVATION OF A SLOTH.” (Thanks, bitch.)
I’ve raised two daughter, so I know the feeling. Nothing in this wicked world is as promising and fulfilling as being a father. We are all actors on this stage called ‘Life’; you are playing a different role now. Just observe and enjoy the moment, Buck
Actor in this thing called life, love it. Big question. Are we in a tragedy or comedy?
Just wait til you start getting AARP solicitations in the mail. That’s when it really hits you because I remember being in high school and ribbing my dad about the same thing. Now I am getting them. Ugh!
Thanks for the laugh CFM! What comes around goes around?
Yes, what you are going through is definitely natural. I also think it goes both ways, as there are definitely things that those in the middle take for granted that other generations envy.
Thanks for understanding Roshawn. Was unraveling a bit, but I’m back to normal!
Congrats on the baby!
Can’t pretend to offer any advice (23 and childless) but I am sure you made a careful choice to have a child – and they are darn cute once they start interacting with you (like Beat the Index said). And of course it’s not the end of your life, just a new phase! I seem to know a fair few mothers who seem to have more exciting, party-filled lives than I do, actually…
Thanks eemusings! Wow, you’re so ahead of the game at 23 years. Way to go! They are pretty darn cute when their not bawling for a diaper change or milk, haha! New phase is right, thanks again!
I don’t have kids yet so I can’t comment exactly on the phase of growth you’re going through, but I do appreciate your honesty.
I have friends who have had children and have later remarked about the pressure they felt to “keep it together” at all times, especially when around others. It’s refreshing that you’re not only acknowledging the changes you’re experiencing, but that you’re analyzing them in a manner that will help you adapt.
Sounds like wonderful daddy material if you ask me!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. That tells me you will be great mommy material when the time comes!