My First Time Father Thoughts
First of all, sorry to leave you all hanging with Labor Time Machine. Secondly, thanks to all the well wishes and words of encouragement. Here’s the tale of the tape. April 03, 2012, 5:20pm, 7 lbs. 15 oz. 21 inch healthy baby boy.
All fathers who pre-warned me weren’t kidding. I thought I had it under control. I could throw in a few short power naps to get through. I was pushed to my physical limits not reached since cramming for finals in college.
Although I was extremely happy that my wife and baby were fine and healthy, I was almost overcome by negative anxiety. Thankfully, I turned to my family during a break to talk it out. One sticking point, I spent the last few years finding myself. I was identifying my passions, finally looking out for number one, and living a fulfilled life within my means. In one shot, I’m not number one again. Secondly, I’m the most capable that I’ve ever been and getting used to this level of confidence. In one swoop, I feel lost and inadequate yet again.
With recommended feedings every two to three hours, life feels compressed. Actually it’s having a curfew on steroids. Like contractions, you have limited time to be productive in between baby naps after feedings. My friend reminded me to get used to this for the next eighteen years. Thanks!
In a moment of weakness, I confessed to my wife that this is going to be a struggle. She calmly retorted, “It will be a struggle if I think it will be.” Did I marry Yoda?
Single Parent Struggle
I’m pretty wiped out even though my wife is pitching in. I don’t know how a single parent manages. I have a new found respect for you all.
Not ready? Don’t
I’m still in a dream, but I felt I was about ready to be a father. My marriage and career were in order and I was finding my personal passions as well. If you are not set on your dream career and passions, nothing will turn your world upside down more than having a baby. You will most likely divorce, break up, or forever hate your partner for putting you into this predicament.
It sounds like sour grapes or I’m not happy with my new life. On the contrary, I will end with my miracle memory. Everything else doesn’t matter when my new baby is in my arms looking innocently up at me. I cannot lie. After catching our collected breaths, my wife and I had tears of joy. Although I have some self-doubt, I am emboldened to push forward. I now have a little one depending on me. Just like George Kirk, Captain Kirk’s father, sacrificing his life for his newly born son. I would do the same as I’m sure all you good fathers out there would.
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