Divorce Advice

The following is a guest post.

The majority of divorces that go through in England and Wales are never going to be enjoyable or monumental occasions.  Of course, there are always exceptions to any rule!  Though divorce is usually the only course of sensible action left to take when things have hit rock bottom and reconciliation signs have vanished.

Advice will be required from divorce solicitors in dealing with all the legal aspects but experience in dealing with the mentally and emotionally roller-coaster ride is usually necessary.  Divorcing as easily and simply as possible is often what most parties will agree on and the following tips aid when pursuing a quick divorce.

Are you prepared for divorce?

This debate that may have been going on in your mind for some time, can lead to endless sleepless nights.  The following should help in the decision process for both you and your partner:

  • Ask yourself if it’s finished with no way back no matter
  • Have you attempted marriage guidance counselling
  • Counselling for yourself
  • If you’ve not already told your partner consider how you will
  • Temporary separation test; can go a long way in sorting things out, re-evaluate and quietly contemplate the relationship
  • Rather than the blame game, look at your role in the relationship
  • Consider financial implications
  • Considered all alternative solutions
  • If you’ve children have you considered the effect on them

Once you’ve gone through the above and still require a divorce it’s time to call a solicitor

Dealing with the emotions

Whether you are instigating the divorce or the one most against it, the following tips with dealing your emotions in this arena will help:

  • When talking to your spouse stay calm, further rows will not help
  • The above rule applies when talking to others who are fond of your spouse
  • If children are involved refrain from speaking about this, or if pushed to the limit, bad mouthing your spouse in front of them
  • Physical exercise is a great way of working off any pent up aggression or ‘wound up’ feeling
  • Stay off the drink and all other substances that can block out emotion
  • Seek out an experience divorce solicitor
  • Forget about revenge and think of life after the episode has concluded

Emotions can wreak havoc and you need to ensure that you are eating well and getting a good sleep.  Problems you foresee may seem upsetting but you really will get over them and deal with them efficiently with good advice.

Guilt is understandable, especially when children are involved but it’s only a temporary process and will be worth it if it’s at this stage.

Friends & Family

These people know you more than you think and in many cases keeping friends and family from both sides will make the situation more manageable.

The tips below should be considered before explaining the situation and the reasoning behind the divorce:

  • Support from them will be invaluable at times
  • Family ties may require you to get together now and then
  • Don’t let them feel they have to take sides
  • Try and become friends and stay in touch, many couples get back together after time apart
  • Children will want to see both of you and not feel pressured by either of you
  • Plan for reactions from your children, family and friends, it may not be what you expect

These tips should help you consider and reflect on what you say about your spouse in relation to the divorce.

Telling Friends & Family

A good tip is to tell your family and friends who you are most in touch with sooner rather than later.  Your partner will most likely want to tell their friends and family but don’t count on this.  Telling people sooner will allow you to take a bit more control of the situation.

These tips should help you out in this area:

  • Stay calm and kind but firm and begin by stating you’ve something personal to discuss with them
  • Ensure they are not already going through a stressful time themselves before burdening them with your news
  • Try and ensure no one can over hear, especially children who may be affected
  • Don’t be negative about the reasons behind the situation and break the news as gently as possible
  • Acknowledge the reaction you get, it may not be what you expect
  • If they become emotional or angry refrain from getting heated

 

Emotions can be complex and other peoples more so.  When you’ve broken the news to others allow time for them to digest the information, they may need it.  You will also need time and have a serious think to if you ever want to see them again.

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4 Responses

  1. Arlee Bird says:

    That’s all good advice for anyone considering divorce.

    My best advice is: Don’t. That’s from someone who’s been divorced twice and neither was really necessary. One marriage can be just as bad as another or just as good. It depends how strong the commitment is.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

    • Buck Inspire says:

      Thanks for sharing Lee! Hope I’m not being too personal, but looking back, could you have saved your two previous marriages?

      • Arlee Bird says:

        I tried very hard to save them, but the commit was not as strong from my exes. I’ve talked since to my first wife and she agreed that the divorce was a mistake and we could have probably made it work. I’ve never discussed it with my second wife who went on to marry and divorce at least two more times. From what our daughters have told me I’m thinking she might be slightly mentally off-kilter or morally lacking. She and I were together for 12 years with three children to our credit and I never saw any problems until the end. You just never know sometimes and I probably never will in our case.

        Lee

        • Buck Inspire says:

          Sad to hear Lee, but it sounds like you’re in a better place. With the divorce rate at 50%, it does take a lot to make a marriage work. Thanks so much for sharing.

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